- The Loneliness Within Me -

Aug 28, 2009

Long time since I last posted. Been busy with school work and sleeping. Many things have passed during this one or two months or so.

Two birthday boys, or should I say gentlemen. One was GuanWei's birthday celebration at kuishiboh, and the other AngSiang's last minute planned birthday celebration. Very sorry for being unable to dine in with you all for AngSiang's birthday, because being tied down with work and commitments in school.

Promos examination coming round the corner and haven't started revising for any chapters, much less a subject. Been trying to be more attentive in class, positive attitude towards tutorials and lectures. Hopefully, I will not regret at the end of the year, so will have to start doing my work more conscientiously and start revising very soon once there is time.

Feelings have been up and down. Been very down for the past days and don't feel like speaking. No matter what I say, is being ignored, so might as well save the talking and focus in class. Slowly drifting apart in class, feeling the unhappiness when being made fun of ridiculous and unnecessary comments. It's saddening to feel this way, ain't friends supposed to support you when you are down, instead of further stepping down on you and making fun of you? People come to me when help is necessary, and left me one side once things are completed. This isn't the way I want life to be. Perhaps, just reverting to my old self, just being quiet. That might be the best way out for this situation and environment I am in.

This really made me feel upset and unhappy about. I apologize to people that I might have shown attitude towards on during MSN conversations, especially AngSiang and people.

Nonetheless, a coin has two side, so does life. There is the negative side, and will also be the positive side. It's all these negative sides that makes the nice things in life to be more appreciated and dearer. Being able to see you smile and walk past me, almost daily makes my day and forget all the unhappiness in the day, giving me the motive for going to school daily.

Should be really glad that at least there is still a bunch of what I can really call true friends behind me, that I can always talk to no matter what problems I have. They really make me feel that I am not left alone, walking this lonely journey alone. Thank you to all.

Somethings should be treasured while they can, especially friends. It takes some destiny for us to meet and become friends. In the past, used to feel that my bunch of friends are always nonsensical and always pestering to allow them to come to my house to play mahjong. Come to think of it, it was all those fun and laughter we shared that made us closer and have more common topic to make jokes out of it. Now, I feel so lonely and neglected without them, especially KunYuan's 'non-Sense', 'use-Less' and 'Bae-stard' and Junda's obsession with gambling and girls in the past. If only time could turn back, where we have fun regardless of tests or examinations. Now, we are all separated into different paths and becoming more difficult to meet up.

Sorry, if this post is too much of a ranting and sorts. Just trying express the inner thoughts that can no longer be kept.

Next time, I post might be after my Promos examinations. Anywa, HorFun is very nice.

I Walked Alone @6:39 PM